Touch Me Again

Written by No3ik Copyright 2006

I look at it, I touch it, but I can't feel anything, so I scratch it. My nail pressing, going up and down, pressing Why can’t I feel it anymore, and why the hell is it raining?

I look at her, her smile! There's something special about her smile I try to feel her again, try and remember how it used to feel I'm still scratching, harder and harder, and still its raining I miss it.

I miss her smile, something special about her smile Oh my god, I really miss her skin Her hair, her voice, her words Why can’t I have all of it back again?

I miss her smile, something special about her smile, something rare No voice could be warmer, no hands could be gentler, no hair could be darker No eyes could be calmer, no heart could be kinder, no smile could be as real! A very honest smile, a happy smile, "You know there is a child living in her soul, In her eyes", a dear friend once told me.

I miss our fights, the ugly times I miss the teasing and tickling, the stroking and touching I miss the fights and arguments and worrying… (I was such a b****) Real, very real.

I'm still scratching, but nothing. A memory, is a cruel thing, it can give you back everything, You can remember the scent, smell, look, taste and voice A memory would never give you back the sense of touch.

So I keep scratching harder

Now I realize, No matter how much and hard I scratch She won’t come back I will never touch again, hug again, kiss again It will never feel any different It will always be just as cold, just as dark No more sunlight No more wings No more skin.

I do feel the wetness of the rain The scratching of my nail Rain streaming down my eyes, through my eyelashes Cheek to my chin, nose and neck falling. The picture is wet! I do feel the wetness I do feel the paper I do see the smile, the eyes and the hair But I don’t feel her. I cant.

I just miss it

Even thought she had the most beautiful smile I will ever see Or remember Looking at it, remembering it, Can only make me cry, just as much as I miss it

I love you, I know your looking down on me from up there Somewhere, up there, smiling Your smile is real, my pain is real. Pain looking me right in the face, right here.

I miss you Mommy, I really do.