It’s Time to Take Action: a Cry for Justice
Posted by Kaleidoscope on January 25, 2008
As first published to the editor in Kuwait Times on May 21, 2007
Author: Hadija Copyright © 2008
Location: Kuwait
Sir,
According to Islamic law, men are permitted to marry up to four wives, as long as they can provide for them equally and be fair to them all. I think some men in Kuwait have forgotten that law and need to be reminded. My husband has married three and has forgotten the Islamic law. He divorced the first one, married me, and after many years of marriage, he brings a third wife. His children from the first marriage suffered financial loss and hardship, and my children and I suffered financial loss and hardship, and now, we are suffering even more, while he is entertaining himself in another marriage. And he cannot afford this wife, and it is causing a big problem in our lives. We are currently going through divorce, and it is difficult on the children. I am the one pursuing the divorce, because I feel that this man will not settle down, and I want to at least ensure that my children have some financial support, even if it is through the court.
A law needs to be passed, stating that if a man wants to marry a second or third wife, he must first prove that he can financially support both households, with no hardship on either side. And he must be forced to pay for his children until they complete university and are employed. And if he fails to pay support for the children, the court could pay the wife/wives the support and then the man should have to pay the court the amount owed, or face a penalty. I think these laws will ensure the security of the women and children of Kuwait and let these men realize that they will be held responsible for their actions.
And, if the man leaves the country and gets married, without the knowledge of his wife/wives or the court, than he should face a strong penalty from the court. We are tired of being thrown away like last week’s garbage. We have our dignity and pride, and the men should not be allowed to do this to us so freely and openly. We are Islamic people, and we have Islamic rights, but some men are failing to follow the correct path.
I hope that someone reads this and takes action to resolve this matter. It is becoming an epidemic in Kuwait and the divorce rate is soaring. Please help the women and children in Kuwait. We need your support, so please pass the laws to stop these men from destroying families. Force them to take responsibility for their family/families.
A wife and mother for wives and mothers in Kuwait
January 25, 2008 at 7:33 pm
You are the second wife, after he divorced the first wife. Karma is a bitch.
January 26, 2008 at 12:24 am
Yeah. It is. But, life goes on…after divorce, alhumdallah.
January 26, 2008 at 1:43 am
In a country run by a fraternity of males with little regard for justice and equality for all who live here, men think they have the upper hand, and they cause much violence, physical and spiritual. The man you are describing, if what you present is very true and objective, should receive equal personalized justice in turn. You should cut off his penis. Literally. This degree of brutality would be equated with the very same type that they get away with but one that that they would understand and come to respect out of fear when it happens to them.
January 26, 2008 at 2:25 am
Thank you, Tantalize, for that brutaly honest opinion…lol. But, men like that, need someone who will treat them the same. A dose of their own medicine. They do not realize how much pain they cause. I suppose they think mental torture is not harmful. Allah is Mighty…and they will get what is coming to them….Karma. What comes around…goes around.
January 26, 2008 at 8:57 am
I believe we already have those laws … its simply like the traffic law and speeding..
It is there, people know it, abuse it and get them selves to death and the people on the streets. like any other law in the country !
The same thing with divorce, there is nafaqa that should cover the wife and kids (kids in most cases)and the wife has the right to go to court and ask for it.. and its up to the gudge.
I hope i can help, or even show more laws that would help.. I hope someone hear you. Thats why we wanted women in the parliment!
January 26, 2008 at 9:44 am
You are right on so many points. Men are regarded in such high esteem here due to the nature of their tribal mentality. Therefore, they believe they can get away with murder, and in many instances they literally do. While I sympathise with your point, we as a society, need to understand why do people get married in the first place? It is an individual responsibility to get married for the “right” reasons. The perspective spouse should be thoroughly profiled mentally & socially. I don’t want to offend anyone, but you should really know your spouse before marrying them.
People always use the excuse of Islam where it is generally forbidden to spend time alone with a potential partner to get to know him. Marrige through family mediation is a bunch of crap! Get to know your future spouse WELL before saying “I do”. Life is short and you don’t want to be with someone who only your parents approve of.
Having a little education & common sense of people in general will help you in picking a better partner. Remember, always marry for real love (which takes time), not INFATUATION or materialistic things. Otherwise, don’t get married.
January 26, 2008 at 4:18 pm
Thank you Adel. Very insightful. But, will anyone bother to listen…or life is just the way they want it…Chaotic. Some changes need to be made, or we will see many more divorces in the coming months. Girls are pressured into marrying men they are not interested in , causing misery and heartache, and eventually…divorce. Atleast, if they like eachother in the beginning,then they will have a good strating point…and possibly keep the marriage alive and strong. Another thing….you really never know the person, until you marry them. I didn’t know my husband….he had two sides. A western side ..and an Arabic side. When in the west…he’s western…when in Kuwait…he’s Kuwaiti. You really never know.
January 26, 2008 at 4:27 pm
Thank you Judy. Very well put. It’s up to the women and the younger generation of men to make the difference…and to create change and progress. Progress, as it stands at the moment, is at snails pace. Someone needs to pick up the ball and run with it. More women need to start kicking up their heels…We Need Change….And Now Is The Time For Change. WIth more women in the Ministry…we can begin to promote change. Better traffic laws…so that many of the teen drivers will have a chance to grow up…not be layed to rest in the grave yard. We need someone who will supervise the police force…so that they know where they should be…and where they are needed. We need laws to protect low wage workers, and expatriots. There are so many things that need change. And the change is NOW.
January 26, 2008 at 4:44 pm
The Berlin wall was toppled, after it’s people suffered decades of reclusion from the rest of the world. Now, it’s the women of Kuwait who need to topple the bureaucracy that’s hindering their progress to move forward, and make changes, which will benefit all the people of Kuwait.
January 29, 2008 at 1:46 pm
Interesting article Hadija, Thank you.
I believe women’s role goes beyond establishing laws and defending rights, remember, it is those women who agree to be first, second, third and fourth wives. Any woman accepting one of those positions should have a clear idea why the first, second and third marriage ended; events to be verified and decisions thought carefully through.
And after one is married, the decision of bringing children into it should not be automatic. Children might be the joy of one’s living, but when you are single-handedly struggling on all levels, especially financially, children become scapegoats and not your salvation.
February 3, 2008 at 9:59 pm
“The Shrink”, this may be true and some cases, but not all. If a man tells stories to cover up his true identity, and leads you to believe it was the fault of the other woman, who caused him to stray, and find another. I fell for him hard, and I let my heart lead my head, and his sob stories brought out the Mother in me, so I felt the need to nuture his broken heart. If only I would have listen to my head, and the warning bells that went off on several occasions, then maybe my life would have turned out differently. This may sound crazy, but I am glad I went down this rough road, and had my two wonderful children, and learned a lot in this life, and became Muslim along the way, which was the biggest blessing in my life, next to my kids. In my life, my kids are everything to me, and I will fight to protect them. They have not, or will they ever be scapegoats, or any other goat. They have had so much tossed their way, and they are still standing strong, and they will always be strong, inshallah, with Allah’s guidance and blessings.