The USELESS-A- (The Useless Kuwaitia)

written by: Tantalize Don’t you simply adore when you meet up with a ‘useless-a-?’ She’s the Kuwaiti female who will call you by ringing once to only have you call her back on your expense. Sounds like a tele-mobile-whore! You end up paying up to KD 300 a month in phone bills while she collects 5-10 different phone-boyfriends (and while she is most likely on top of one of them in bed). She then maneuvers to have one if not all of her newly acquainted buddies buy her recharge cards. And, if you don’t show the dough: "Weeeeeeeeeeee….ghiteeeaaaa…indi wahed bigheeeeeel." Some nerve!

Then, she builds the nipple-protruding nerve to have you see her from a distance while the other buddies wait for their slot unknowingly of the others. One of her great teases comes in the form of clothing. She will wear her skin-tight jeans with a skin-molesting T-shirt which is undercovered by another shirt to give the image of natural skin being shown. Flowery soft sensuous words will come out of her mouth when she is on the phone with you until her brother or other family members knock on her bedroom door. The softness quickly turns into harshness: "NAAA3AAAM!" Your horniness loses steam. Your phone bill skyrockets. And, being the typical "Hamooood" and "Aboooood" and of course not to forget "Jassooooom" you are, you start all over again on Gulf or Love (-less) Street looking for the same type of woman who ruined and turned off most of your sexual manhood to begin with.

When the phone calls gradually escalate into: "It hibni" and "Fakart Feeni" or even "Laish Ma Dagait," you become locked–figuratively envaginated actually—by her persistent nagging, especially when you receive the "Wainek?" Where could one be in tiny Kuwait ya3ni? Salmia, Khaldia or the grandparents mentally jacking-off to their crap! You find your balls heading into a tailspin while your gagging face succumbs into her whims. You BELIEVE you (men) are the ultimate players when it is they who are playing you. They are the real devils!

Next, you find yourself in discussion about a KD 10,000 dowry, demands of multiple yearly vacations, the newest model car, a maid for each child and for her not to ever cook or do any other sort of housework. If that is not enough, she insists on swapping your credit card, secretly cashing some of it out, shopping on practically 2/3 of your monthly salary, and to top it off, heading to the salon to have her routine pedicure/manicure, waxing, hair and make-up just so that she may look tame enough to screw, and wishfully unlike a transvestite metasexual who has just X(-ed) out from the latest techno rave.

You realize then that you have DE-vested your money instead of wisely invested it. You start to bald, lose sexual spunk, fatty-up on the belly area, and begin to get addicted to brainless TV watching. All the while, she is roaming Kuwait’s malls, checking out the latest cosmetic procedures (tucking here, blocking there, pulling there and here of her body). Undoubtedly, this is all done in the name of "Ashanick Ya Habeeeeeeebeeeee!" and all done in YOUR expense.

Is she the Uselessa or are you the idiot?

© COPYRIGHT TANTALIZE 2005